Improve short video script - make it concise, funny, eloquent and amazing. Add jokes.

I use the following process to write your script: I learn and fully understand what your business does and the benefits you offer your customers. You will get a script that identifies your customer's problem and how you solve it. A compelling call to action: I write a clear direction on what customers should do when they're ready to move forward, for example: "Talk to us" "Start your project today" "Contact our sales team to find out more". These are all calls to action that get customers knocking on your door. A professionally written voice-over: you can see some scripts I have written. Each video script has a spoken tone is well paced, doesn't rush, and delivers everything that needs to be said, clearly. This is not an accident - I make an initial draft of the voice over and then re-write it over and over until it is perfect - and that's just the first draft you'll see. In summary, you will get a top quality piece of work that tells a good story, has a clear marketing message and lets you produce a great video.

Hello there, Iplvlsl. I would love to lend a hand in polishing the script for your video on the state of flow. Let me first tell you a little bit about me: I'm a professional writer and ghostwriter from the U.K., with almost five years' freelancing experience. Having watched your video, I think there are three principle things I'd focus on doing. First, altering anything that sounds a little awkward (I realize English isn't your first language, and it's much better than my Russian!, so I'm not criticizing), I just feel that I can help the script sound a little more natural. For instance, the section 'advices' I would probably call 'tips'. The second thing would be to work on creating shorter, snappier sentences - given you have the text on screen, I think the more concise those passages can be, the better. Of course, you mentioned altering the graphics, so I don't know whether you intend to have a lot of text on screen in the newer version. And finally, because you've requested an injection of humor, I would slip in a few light comments. I have an idea of where I'd like to put those, but would need to give it some more thought in order to come up with exactly what I'd write. Anyway, please feel free to check out my profile and reviews for more about me. If you're interested in working with me, I'd be very happy to hear from you. Thanks very much for your time.

Hi, you can check out our writing samples here : http://www.freelancer.com/u/writingspirit.html (click on portfolio to view samples). If you have any queries regarding our service, just leave a message or if would like to award us the project we can begin right now. Thanks, Regards.

Hello lplvlsl. I think you have got a lot of great things going on in your video, but I can see why you need to dramatically improve it. There is far too much information being imparted too quickly. If I were to write it I would suggest taking your own advice conveyed in the video and break the video down into separate videos and expand on some of the main points. That is where the addition of humour and examples would be ideal (as you have already identified). You probably have enough material in that one video for 3 or 4 or different videos. This would give you time to elaborate on the main points and allow the viewer to fully grasp and understand what you are suggesting to them. I have the skill to help you do this and that is why I am offering my services to you. Please have a look at my portfolio to see some samples of my scriptwriting and voice-over work; these I hope will give you a good indication of what I can do. My fee is over your budget, but this is to factor in the extra elements you mentioned in your brief such as working closely with you to help you improve your writing and scripting, all of which I would be happy to do. Thank you for considering my bid and please feel free to get in touch if you want to discuss your project. I hope very much to hear from you. Yours, Mitch.

Hi, my name is Christa and I would like to thank you for posting your job on freelancer. I have watched your video about flow, and I feel that I can improve on this video. One suggestion I have is that I think there needs to be examples of what you are describing. I also think that the pace needs to be picked up along with visual examples of things that flow, like water or music notes. The text should "flow" with the examples while still maintaining all the important information you need to get across to your audience. Levity can be added by telling humorous stories about people or situations which don't flow, illustrating these scenarios may be a good idea. These are just some quick suggestions right off the top of my head. Please note that my bid is for a screenplay that will be around five minutes in length. Thank you for your time and consideration of my proposal. Have a wonderful day!

In addition to the services you have outlined you need a native English speaker's voice-over to give credibility to the video. This I am offering you in my bid. If you are positive towards this proposition let me know, and I shall supply a sample of my intentions. Best regards, Doug Lumley

I have over 15 years' professional experience in editing, proofreading, and writing treatments (book, film, and television), blog posts, articles, and Provisional Patent Applications; offer fiction and nonfiction ghostwriting services; and provide story-development consultations via Skype. Please see my portfolio for writing and editing samples. I look forward to hearing from you. Best, Jon Rauch

I have written numerous short films including those which became finalists in short film festivals. I have a degree is marketing and PR which included creative and feature writing.

Hi there, I have watched the video you provided and found the topic very fascinating. I am very interested in taking on this project especially because I can relate to the importance of being "in sync" or, as you put it, "in the flow," since I work in a highly creative and self-motivated work environment. Additionally, I am very passionate about collaborative creative projects just like this one. My professional writing experience includes two years as a marketing services copywriter for a major self-publishing industry. I am experienced in writing press releases, taglines and copy for websites, email marketing campaigns and print advertisements. I have also contributed feature articles on hobbyist groups, restaurant and young entrepreneurs for XYNC Magazine, a Cebu-based lifestyle and leisure magazine. My background in marketing makes me the perfect candidate for this project. I can create a script that will make the product/video more appealing and can leave a lasting impression in the viewer's heart and mind. Also, I should bring up that I am a movie buff and my interest in movies helps me distinguish which elements make a film unforgettable and impressive. Although I am currently employed and can only work after office hours and weekends, I can guarantee you that my work will be on time and of great quality. Please feel free to contact me if you need further information. I am looking forward to collaborating with you.

The link to the video doesn't work! Please message me the updated link and I will be happy to help you. I blog at www.joshrolph.com. Humor is my specialty. By day, I represent farmers before Congress and am always using new ways to be noticed. I would love to help you out! Josh

Hi, I saw the video and instead of introducing myself here, let me start by giving some inputs. The video definitely needs a background audio(slow transcendental music) The voiceover needs to be changed (the voice is very monotonous and a female voiceover is preferred) The text needs to be more visual (highlighting key words and phrases) Make is shorter (around 3 min) because content videos tend to get boring above 3 mins since there is only text and no live action. Since the video is more about FLOW and working with 100% concentration and being in the ZONE at all times, the video should in itself be able to put the viewer into a flow of their own. We will need to re-analyze the objective of the video and change its content accordingly. I am new to freelancer.com but have been an editor and filmmaker since 2 years.I have worked on a lot of corporate videos and I also work closely with life coaches and internet marketers based in US and UK (namely; Anik Singal and Arfeen Khan) This project will need time and so be willing to have the patience for it if you want to make a remarkable video. If its possible then we could also add stock footage and more visualizations. Again, these things can only be discussed once the OBJECTIVE of the video becomes more clear to us and we know who our target viewer is.